How many of us, as parents, have heard these words from our children at least once: "I studied, but during the exam, I didn't know anything"? Or perhaps we have uttered in astonishment words like: "I can't explain how they got such a low grade, I saw with my own eyes how much they studied." Why does this happen? How is it that a well-prepared child, who has dedicated time and effort to studying, ends up failing at the moment of evaluation?
Loredana Iriciuc, the host of the show "Present Parents", emphasizes that the grade should reflect knowledge, not the student's emotions. She raises the question: "What happens when a child studies but during the exam, they don't know anything anymore?"
Psychotherapist Diana Todeancă explains this phenomenon through the "freeze" reaction, caused by extreme anxiety: "This is the 'freeze.' When anxiety is very high, abnormally high, instead of helping us, it hinders us. For this reason, we need to observe it early and learn about it and help our children."
The first step, according to the psychotherapist, is for parents to learn to manage their own emotions and then help their children understand and accept anxiety: "First, we learn, and then we help our children understand what it is and let it be. Because all emotions are like a balloon that keeps accumulating pressure. Accumulating, accumulating, accumulating pressure.
You say, 'I don't want to feel anxiety, I shouldn't be stressed, I shouldn't be afraid,' and you hold the end of the balloon. And it might be that right at the moment of the exam, the balloon explodes."
Diana Todeancă emphasizes that during the exam, the child can be overwhelmed by such an intense wave of anxiety that they completely freeze and react through "freeze": "At that moment, so much anxiety can come into the child's heart that they will freeze and resort to the 'freeze' response. You can't fight the teachers there, nor can you run away from the exam. The only option left available to you is 'freeze.' And in such an intense wave of anxiety, you might enter this freeze".
Psychotherapist Diana Todeancă emphasizes the importance of effectively managing these emotions and the crucial role parents play in this process.
"That's why it's good to see that balloon and allow it to have a release valve. And the release valve, in the case of children, is us, the parents", explains Diana Todeancă.
The expert compares a child's emotions to a balloon accumulating pressure and warns that without a way to release this pressure, anxiety can become overwhelming.
"We are the ones who need to let them be anxious, to accept their emotions, to encourage them, to tell them that anxiety is normal, that it’s natural for it to be there so that it gradually stays at optimal levels. Not to disappear completely, but to be manageable", added the psychotherapist.
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