Overloading children with tutoring and activities: The dangerous trap parents fall into. Oana Zapca: "We often don’t even know why we’re doing it!"

"As a parent, I want the best for my child. I want them to become the best version of themselves! But we often see this differently: I want them to be first, to know everything, to get the top prize, and so I push them into English courses, German courses, swimming, dancing, tutoring in math, Romanian language. I fall into this trap, thinking this is the only way for them to succeed professionally. How do you see this situation?" asked Loredana Iriciuc.

Oana Zapca, a coach and parenting expert, offered an interesting perspective on this situation, emphasizing that it’s not necessarily wrong to provide children with various development opportunities. Still, it all depends on how these opportunities are presented and the energy with which parents get involved.

"It’s not bad to create contexts and options where they can find themselves and explore. And it’s not hard to give them a little push from behind to keep them engaged in certain activities. We also start things and then don’t finish them, even though we know it would be good for us", said Oana Zapca on Părinți Prezenți, a show by ParintisiPitici.ro.

What does it mean to be a successful parent? Oana Zapca's emotional response: "If I manage to do THIS with my children, it means I've done something right!"

Overloading: The hidden danger in the race for excellence

PHOTO: freepik.com @seventyfour

An important point highlighted by Oana Zapca is the risk of overloading, both for the child and the parent.

"Where overloading comes into play, that’s where the problem truly lies, when the child becomes so agitated that the parent becomes agitated. Especially in the context of Bucharest, when you’re taking them swimming, to this and that... what’s the atmosphere like in the car when you’re driving them? Are you stressed, or not? Are you singing in the car, or not anymore? Are we frustrated and upset? Did the child enjoy it? Did they understand anything from the activity they just did? Are they aware that it’s helping them? That it’s supporting certain goals?” the expert explains.

"That is, if we put it into context, if we help them see it in context, if we help them realize that the time spent on an activity can be a support for a life direction that we’re trying to discover together, then it’s not so bad.

What’s important is that when we do something and want something, we need to ask ourselves: what’s our intention? Are we coming from a place of fear, the fear that without these things, the child won’t make it, that their future will be ruined? With what energy are we approaching it? Are we drained, and then the child practically absorbs that energy from us like, ‘I’m taking you to German classes again, and you’re not learning anything?’

So, I believe that before we overload the child, there’s also the overload on the parent. Can we manage to take them to all these activities, or not? And if we can’t, then we just don’t go! In the end, the child will learn German; you don’t need to race across all of Bucharest to take them to the best German kindergarten when you’re overwhelmed and it takes you over an hour in the car just to get them there", added Oana Zapca.

The generation of cautious parents. Oana Zapca: "We no longer let him go to the store alone, but we can create other situations where the child can feel competent!"

Oana Zapca: "You can learn at any age as long as you're willing to learn"

Another important point addressed by Oana Zapca is the idea that learning is not limited to childhood or adolescence. The expert mentioned that she learned German in college, emphasizing that you can learn at any time as long as you're willing to do so.

"Look, I learned German in college. I ended up in a German group in college and hit the books. I believe you can learn at any age as long as you're willing to learn", added the expert.

This is an important message for parents, who should understand that it is not necessary to force a child to learn everything all at once. Personal development is a continuous process, and success doesn’t necessarily come from a rapid accumulation of knowledge and skills but from the ability to learn and adapt throughout life.

PHOTO: freepik.com @pixel-shot.com

Coach Oana Zapca: "How can I make it enjoyable and not overwhelming?"

"But if I've chosen to do something for my child and to support them, how can I make it enjoyable, not overwhelming? How can I ensure that it's healthy, that we're having fun, that we're feeling good? Because otherwise, we look back and say, 'Oh, life has passed us by!' First and foremost, as a woman, as a mother, and then for our children as well. What have they learned? Nothing! We’re stressed out, not enjoying ourselves", adds the expert.

"Plus, we do things without even knowing why we're doing them most of the time. Are we doing them to support the child because they want to achieve more than what school can offer? Or are we doing it because they're lazy and not putting in the effort at school?"

This question brings an important issue to the forefront: how well do we truly understand our children's needs and abilities? Often, parents project their fears and ambitions onto their children, without realizing that what they truly want may be different from what they are offering.

Today's generation of parents no longer lets children think? Oana Zapca: "We've forgotten to place ourselves in the relationship. We can't protect them from everything in life"

School and its role in a child’s education

Another important point addressed by Oana Zapca is the role of school in children's development. She emphasizes that school should provide a solid foundation of knowledge and discipline, but peak performance is best developed in a private setting.

"I told my children and their teachers: I don’t expect the school to make them top achievers. At school, I want you to be able to uplift the entire class, provide discipline, and maintain an average grade of 7-8, meaning we shouldn't produce illiterates by the end of their education.

Peak performance happens in private if you want to achieve individual excellence. And I told my children: I won’t provide extra tutoring for what you should be learning in class. Instead, you’ll receive preparation so that I can see you at a higher level", the expert added.

Oana Zapca: "There’s nothing wrong with having ambition!"

Oana Zapca emphasizes the importance of finding a balance between encouraging ambition and maintaining the emotional and physical health of the child. Ambition is not something negative; on the contrary, it can be a driving force for success in life, but it must be cultivated with care and understanding.

"Of course, it's okay to help your child be ambitious! There’s nothing wrong with that! Being aware that you have certain skills and competencies, which you can develop further and potentially monetize, allows you to lead a more abundant life and offer something to those around you. There’s nothing wrong with having ambition!" the expert added.

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